RE: Motion to Reinstate the Fanny Pack
Dear Fanny Pack Association
I write this letter questioning the lack of sightings of the Fanny Pack on the streets. I would like to know who it is that decided that the fanny pack was no longer in fashion after its stint in the 80s and 90s. I mean if we brought it back now with great prints and vibrant colors we could really do something with it.
Personally, the only con to the Fanny Pack is that it hasn't evolved with the fashion trends, it's been stuck in the folder of cyclists and other outdoorsy activity thrill seekers. How about some of us fashion conscious divas? I mean, yeah, we have seen the version of the fanny pack that lays flat on your hip from the high end brands, but, you and I both know that ain't the REAL fanny pack. It's the bulky one I want back. At this point I would like to list the 5 pros of the Fanny Pack.
1. The ease with which one can access their bus pass while running for the bus. We all have been in that situation sitting on the bus and watching some woman dig through a huge bag for a bus pass. You could practically hear the eye rolls.
2. You favorite jam comes on at the club and you are moved to want to raise your hands or for my Caribbean persuasion who feel the need to smack the walls and buss the lighter. A purse spoils this moment. A fanny pack injects tigerblood into this scenario.
3. A big snow storm strikes, you can barely see where you are going and the winds are crazy. Holding a purse = fighting to keep it on you. Strapped to a fanny pack = secure belongings and free hands to wade off possible snowball attacks.
4. If you are one of those people who have a weird walk that involves the arms doing other weird movements. A handbag messes up your balance. A fanny pack maintains equilibrium and weird walk symmetry.
5. You are walking down the street and someone yanks your purse out of your hands and makes a dash for it. This would never happen with the fanny pack. By the time the thief unclips it off your waist you have already gotten in a few punches and knees to the nether regions to protect your lipgloss, walkman, cassette tapes and whatever it is that you carry.
As I typed my pros for the motion to reinstate the fanny pack I realized that the gorgeous clutches that I make and sell would go obsolete, you know, seeing as though I have such a pull on the higher ups in the Fanny Pack Association. So how about we just go ahead and pretend that this letter never happened and each one of you goes to buy a clutch on my website.
Posted by Mo at 9:07 PM